ALL-NIGHTER

I wish you never set me that stupid question.

I have a lot of things to do today,

But not enough time,

Which I suppose is the case for everybody,

But my brain refuses to function today.

So, I drown my problems.

In coffee, and sometimes a splash of vodka.

But the coffee might make me jittery,

That’s why I put the vodka in,

But now my bed is calling me,

So, I’ll top it all off with a cigarette,

That will balance me out,

Surely that will balance me out,

Keep me up and focused,

This time.

But of course, it doesn’t,

I lie on my bed relishing that feeling,

That functional euphoria,

That the doctor tried and failed to prescribe,

Is this how other people feel all the time?

I’m jealous.

I remember I used to think, coffee, and vodka, and cigarettes were disgusting,

And technically I still do,

And I still shudder when I have them,

And diligently scrunch my nose when some twit blows smoke in my face,

And I flavour my coffee like I’m trying to discreetly poison someone I love,

And sometimes I stare at my glasses of vodka for hours until I find the guts to down them,

But I’m still willing to throw it all down my cursed gullet.

Do you do this?

Or am I one of the dysfunctional ones,

That can’t ever truly be fixed,

Or maybe never actually want to be fixed,

Because I don’t want to see myself as broken goods,

I’ve had enough of this.

I will just finish my point tomorrow,

When I’m not in this state, and the caffeine’s worn off.

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Dionne Scougul is a young university student who writes in her spare time. She is also a radio producer/presenter and environmental activist.