I wish you never set me that stupid question.
I have a lot of things to do today,
But not enough time,
Which I suppose is the case for everybody,
But my brain refuses to function today.
So, I drown my problems.
In coffee, and sometimes a splash of vodka.
But the coffee might make me jittery,
That’s why I put the vodka in,
But now my bed is calling me,
So, I’ll top it all off with a cigarette,
That will balance me out,
Surely that will balance me out,
Keep me up and focused,
But of course, it doesn’t,
I lie on my bed relishing that feeling,
That functional euphoria,
That the doctor tried and failed to prescribe,
Is this how other people feel all the time?
I remember I used to think, coffee, and vodka, and cigarettes were disgusting,
And technically I still do,
And I still shudder when I have them,
And diligently scrunch my nose when some twit blows smoke in my face,
And I flavour my coffee like I’m trying to discreetly poison someone I love,
And sometimes I stare at my glasses of vodka for hours until I find the guts to down them,
But I’m still willing to throw it all down my cursed gullet.
Do you do this?
Or am I one of the dysfunctional ones,
That can’t ever truly be fixed,
Or maybe never actually want to be fixed,
Because I don’t want to see myself as broken goods,
I’ve had enough of this.
I will just finish my point tomorrow,
When I’m not in this state, and the caffeine’s worn off.
Dionne Scougul is a young university student who writes in her spare time. She is also a radio producer/presenter and environmental activist.